When you say you're "busy" what do you REALLY mean?

CAVEAT before you read this:  I am NOT perfect and I often use the word "busy" as the code word for anything but the true definition of "busy"... so read this through the lens of "Rachel totally is the pot calling the kettle black..."

Busy, busy, busy.

Our lives are busy.  Too busy.  Ridiculously busy.  Everyone I know says this.  "I'm sorry... I've been so busy that I haven't returned your call from 3 months ago..."  or "...let's just text instead of actually having a conversation, we're so busy..."

Have I been guilty of this?  You bet!  Have there been times in my life where I've been incredibly busy?  You bet!  I believe there are genuinely some busy times in life.  Take this week, for instance.   Staff is in town from Indianapolis and my schedule really is packed.  So "packed", that Dave will have to pack our family for vacation since we are leaving on Friday morning. So, I believe there are those moments and weeks in time where busy is a legitimate thing.  But, most of the time, I think it's bull.

I think saying that we're busy is really code for saying other things like:  "I am important.  If I weren't busy, I wouldn't be an important person and important people are busy people."  Or, it could be code for "I'm afraid of silence and solitude, so I'm just going to say that I'm really, really busy." Or, it could be code for saying "I don't want to work on relationships because I am too important to myself, so I'm sorry, I'm busy!"

And I'm guilty of using all of the codes I just wrote about.  But, I've learned a different way.  Thanks to my dear friends (aka "The Birds") Donna, Anne, Margaret and Martha, I have learned that I am just as valuable when I'm still, quiet and NOT busy as I am when I am legitimately busy.  And I have certainly learned that silence and solitude are required, all the more, when you are busy.

So, it's busy right now - and I mean that using the proper definition of "busy."  I have lists up the wazoo- lists for my meetings this week, lists for my menu in Montana, lists for Dave so he can pack us... but I am not "listing" anything this morning.  Nope.  I am engrossed in doing my most favorite "NOT BUSY" thing in the world.

First, I came downstairs in my PJs and I brewed my favorite Duncan Coffee - Butter Pecan (I go in waves of favorites, but this month, it's Butter Pecan).  Then I turned on our radio (an almost extinct form of media, these days) to NPR (which is 88.7 in my town) and then I pulled out the NY Times. When the coffee was done brewing and I poured my cup, I sat on the couch next to my dear sleeping 17-year-old dachshund and proceeded to READ.  Yes, that's a different thing in this day and age too - to read something and find pleasure in the gathering of new information, to be captured by an in-depth story about eco-systems and long-term effects of oil spills, as well as how those eco-systems are still strong and come back from devastation... to be impressed by a 14-year old girl who has spent her summer vacation growing an incredible garden via Community-supported-agriculture (and man, I'm hatching plans for Nate's next summer vacation - although it will have to look different since we don't have a half acre for him to till for our neighbor's salads, but I'll come up with something...and dang it, I'm going to make him read this story too).

Yes, it's Sunday morning and I could be busy at church.  I could go to church because that is what one is supposed to do on a Sunday morning in the South.  But, believe it or not, God is here with me today.  In my moment of solitude and reading, and now blogging (because writing feeds my soul), God is here and I am not busy.  I am BEING.  I am literally a HUMAN BEING.

I realized a few years ago, after working for an insane non-profit, that I could be busy - and that it was code for "I have to please the people I work for even though my family is dying for my attention."

Will I be busy?  Yes!  I guess I could honestly say I am busy now.  But, in the midst of many things to do, I have decided I am not going to use busy as code for anything else.  I need my Sunday morning, listening to NPR, reading about what's happening in the world and drinking my Butter Pecan Coffee.  Because if I'm going to make it through this week and get off on a much-anticipated vacation, I need to have a clear mind, a quiet soul and things other than myself to think on (like how two guys from the Clinton State Dept are using Twitter and Facebook for diplomatic purposes, or how a fragile eco-system has the ability to survive because that's how God made it...).

So join me!  Ditch the word "Busy" in favor of something else... like walking the dog (which is what Dave is doing right now... on the weekends he and Brooks head for the Bayou and sit on a park bench and just watch the people go by), or reading a book.  There is no such thing as "too busy."  Just people who don't know how to sit with themselves and God and know who they really are.  And, please, the next time you ask me "How are you?" and I reply "Busy" - ask me if that's really true or if it's code for something else.  Because, more than likely, I am probably slipping back into some bad definitions of the word and need someone to knock me upside the head...  seriously.  I am so guilty of the things I rant and rave about.

-Rachel for the Quan Family

How Time Flies...

It's bad when your last blog was JANUARY.  So much has happened in our little nest since then.  I will try and relay the various events in our lives in order:

Nate & Dave with Auntie Diane, Uncle Gil and Grandma Chin

FEBRUARY:  We enjoyed an incredible visit to the SF/Oakland Bay Area for Chinese New Year with Rachel's side of the family (the Chin Clan).  It was a treat to see Aunt Diane & Uncle Gil for the second time in just a few weeks (we were with them in New Orleans for our last blog post).  And, we loved being with Grandma Chin.  Highlights for Nate included a rousing game of Boggle late into the night with Diane and Gil, watching the Opening Ceremonies for the Winter Olympics on their gigantic television, and a special dinner with Grandma and Diane at Lake Chalet (which Nate liked to call "Lake Shall-et" with a Texas accent).

Grandma Chin & Rachel

MARCH:  The Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo and the Black Eyed Peas concert with Auntie Roxie was a huge highlight.  A BIG change for our family started the very last day of March.  Rachel accepted the position of Vice President of External Operations for the 2011 NCAA Houston Final Four.  She took a sabbatical from Mowalla and decided to take on the challenge, as did the rest of the family.  With a less flexible schedule, we had to get our "ducks in a row."  This included after-school arrangements for Nate, dog-walking for Brooks and more of Dave's cooking at home.  She hit the ground running on March 31st, flying to Indianapolis for the 2010 Final Four... she capped her 9 day trip with 3 days in Chicago to finish out some things for her MoPeeps - who she misses a great deal... however, we figured we could handle anything for a year...

Nate - First Place @ Mark Twain's Inventor's Showcase

And we were such proud parents when Nate won his school's Inventor's Showcase with an innovative idea - a Car Door Rain Canopy - a mechanism that, if invented, would have prevented his mother from getting soaked when she got in and out of a car in one of Houston's signature thunderstorms.

Go Defenders!  West U Little League

APRIL & MAY:  West University Little League took over our free time.  Dave coached, Nate played... and we spent many an evening or afternoon at the ball fields - yelling, cheering and hoping.  Although it was not the greatest record, we made it to the second round of the playoffs and then (thankfully) it was over.  Not that we wouldn't have been happy to go further, but we must admit, it had gotten fairly exhausting. :)


So...here we are in summer.  ..time is flying by - which is fine... because we are gearing up for two weeks of vacation in MONTANA - our favorite summer destination! We've rented a great house in the Paradise Valley and can hardly wait for the cooler weather, gorgeous mountain ranges off of the 1500 SF deck and fishing in the Yellowstone River.

We'll come back from our trip in time to celebrate Dave's 50th birthday!  Can you believe it???  He doesn't look a day over 30!

All this is to say that life changes quickly, time passes in the blink of an eye.  I am often thinking of the small baby that was placed in my arms in 2000, and realize that a decade of his life has gone by in a flash.  Our careers have changed and morphed and taken on new dimensions and challenges.  We've taken hold of the important things in life as Dave opened his own law practice, and after spinning like a wild woman for years as a workaholic, I decided to find balance the past two years...

Dear and special people have passed away - Dave's dad, one of his best friends, Glenn... my Grandpa Chin... a close family friend's 15-year-old son...

We don't know what life holds.  We don't know what tomorrow brings.  So, I find myself STOPPING more - to take in a moment, to be grateful, to just be present.  As I was going through the process of interviewing for the new job, I spent many hours at our family's favorite neighborhood park in the spring, finishing up a writing project and wondering what new things might be around the corner.  I had no idea it would be a job with college basketball... Nate had no idea he'd be an Inventor's Showcase winner... Dave didn't know he'd be cooking so much more :)... but here we are.

Today, my trainer, Kelly Duffy, finished my workout with me laying down, eyes closed for two minutes.  "Don't think about all the things you have to do today..." she ordered me (she obviously has come to know me well).  So, instead, I went to that place in my mind where I focus on the "being present" and revel in a moment - like when Nate's comment made Dave and I laugh hard last night, or thinking about all the special people in our lives as I addressed envelopes for Dave's birthday invitations.  At the end of the day, those are the things that define us...

It's taken me years to learn this - and I'm certain I missed so much - but glad I eventually learned how to STOP, take it all in... and count my blessings.


-Rachel for the Quan Family