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Sunday, July 18, 2010

When you say you're "busy" what do you REALLY mean?


CAVEAT before you read this:  I am NOT perfect and I often use the word "busy" as the code word for anything but the true definition of "busy"... so read this through the lens of "Rachel totally is the pot calling the kettle black..."

Busy, busy, busy.

Our lives are busy.  Too busy.  Ridiculously busy.  Everyone I know says this.  "I'm sorry... I've been so busy that I haven't returned your call from 3 months ago..."  or "...let's just text instead of actually having a conversation, we're so busy..."

Have I been guilty of this?  You bet!  Have there been times in my life where I've been incredibly busy?  You bet!  I believe there are genuinely some busy times in life.  Take this week, for instance.   Staff is in town from Indianapolis and my schedule really is packed.  So "packed", that Dave will have to pack our family for vacation since we are leaving on Friday morning. So, I believe there are those moments and weeks in time where busy is a legitimate thing.  But, most of the time, I think it's bull.

I think saying that we're busy is really code for saying other things like:  "I am important.  If I weren't busy, I wouldn't be an important person and important people are busy people."  Or, it could be code for "I'm afraid of silence and solitude, so I'm just going to say that I'm really, really busy." Or, it could be code for saying "I don't want to work on relationships because I am too important to myself, so I'm sorry, I'm busy!"

And I'm guilty of using all of the codes I just wrote about.  But, I've learned a different way.  Thanks to my dear friends (aka "The Birds") Donna, Anne, Margaret and Martha, I have learned that I am just as valuable when I'm still, quiet and NOT busy as I am when I am legitimately busy.  And I have certainly learned that silence and solitude are required, all the more, when you are busy.

So, it's busy right now - and I mean that using the proper definition of "busy."  I have lists up the wazoo- lists for my meetings this week, lists for my menu in Montana, lists for Dave so he can pack us... but I am not "listing" anything this morning.  Nope.  I am engrossed in doing my most favorite "NOT BUSY" thing in the world.

First, I came downstairs in my PJs and I brewed my favorite Duncan Coffee - Butter Pecan (I go in waves of favorites, but this month, it's Butter Pecan).  Then I turned on our radio (an almost extinct form of media, these days) to NPR (which is 88.7 in my town) and then I pulled out the NY Times. When the coffee was done brewing and I poured my cup, I sat on the couch next to my dear sleeping 17-year-old dachshund and proceeded to READ.  Yes, that's a different thing in this day and age too - to read something and find pleasure in the gathering of new information, to be captured by an in-depth story about eco-systems and long-term effects of oil spills, as well as how those eco-systems are still strong and come back from devastation... to be impressed by a 14-year old girl who has spent her summer vacation growing an incredible garden via Community-supported-agriculture (and man, I'm hatching plans for Nate's next summer vacation - although it will have to look different since we don't have a half acre for him to till for our neighbor's salads, but I'll come up with something...and dang it, I'm going to make him read this story too).

Yes, it's Sunday morning and I could be busy at church.  I could go to church because that is what one is supposed to do on a Sunday morning in the South.  But, believe it or not, God is here with me today.  In my moment of solitude and reading, and now blogging (because writing feeds my soul), God is here and I am not busy.  I am BEING.  I am literally a HUMAN BEING.

I realized a few years ago, after working for an insane non-profit, that I could be busy - and that it was code for "I have to please the people I work for even though my family is dying for my attention."

Will I be busy?  Yes!  I guess I could honestly say I am busy now.  But, in the midst of many things to do, I have decided I am not going to use busy as code for anything else.  I need my Sunday morning, listening to NPR, reading about what's happening in the world and drinking my Butter Pecan Coffee.  Because if I'm going to make it through this week and get off on a much-anticipated vacation, I need to have a clear mind, a quiet soul and things other than myself to think on (like how two guys from the Clinton State Dept are using Twitter and Facebook for diplomatic purposes, or how a fragile eco-system has the ability to survive because that's how God made it...).

So join me!  Ditch the word "Busy" in favor of something else... like walking the dog (which is what Dave is doing right now... on the weekends he and Brooks head for the Bayou and sit on a park bench and just watch the people go by), or reading a book.  There is no such thing as "too busy."  Just people who don't know how to sit with themselves and God and know who they really are.  And, please, the next time you ask me "How are you?" and I reply "Busy" - ask me if that's really true or if it's code for something else.  Because, more than likely, I am probably slipping back into some bad definitions of the word and need someone to knock me upside the head...  seriously.  I am so guilty of the things I rant and rave about.

-Rachel for the Quan Family

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