My Thin Place

Emigrant Peak at sunset

No, this particular entry is not about weight - or at least about the kind that involves dieting and the shedding of pounds.  When I say "Thin Place" I mean a place, a space, a moment in time, a term first used by Celtic Christians - it's a space described as the place where heaven and earth meet, where the veil between the spiritual and physical world becomes very thin - so thin that you swear you have broken some barrier and are standing on holy ground.  It's a sacred place, one that is not oft experienced.  But, when it is experienced - you remember it, mark it.  You long to return to it.

So it is that the Paradise Valley in Montana is my Thin Place.  And it's the place I return to year after year.  The beauty of it all is that it isn't just my Thin Place - it is Dave's Thin Place and Nate's Thin Place.  And, for the friends and family who have joined us here each year, I would venture to say that they have had a similar experience here.

Brooks and Nate at the Lodge

This is the place where heaven and earth converge for me in a way that I cannot explain and have never been able to replicate in other spaces.  One cannot stand on the banks of the Yellowstone River, looking around at the Absaroka Mountain Range and not sense that something far greater than you has been at work, is at work and will be at work long after our footprints on the shore have been erased.  The veil between the spiritual and physical is always thin around here.  It's thin when the hard winds come down from Yankee Jim Canyon and whip through the cottonwoods.  It's thin when a storm descends on the valley and drops snow on Emigrant Peak.  It's thin as the river rises and falls with the time of year, flowing north, sometimes so swiftly it takes whole trees with it, sometimes lower, slower and clearer - perfect for fly fishing. 

I live in the city year-round - off of a busy street.  I love my home because it is the home I've built with Dave and Nate.  The love that goes in and out of that place throughout a calendar year is special.  And I have experienced a few Thin Places during my journey in the city - Christmas Eve and the lighting of the Christ Candle every year, memorable visits from friends, cuddling on the couch with my now 12-year-old boy (and these days, any cuddling is uncommon and therefore memorable).  But Thin Places are rare, which is why they are special, and in our case, why we leave our city home and come back to the same place summer after summer after summer.

The whole family on the swing at Riversbend Lodge

 Here in the Paradise Valley, when I wake up in the morning, throw open the curtains and the door to our bedroom... and I hear the water moving by, see Emigrant Peak rising above it, I step out on the deck and close my eyes and step into my Thin Place.    When the moon rises over the Absaroka Mountains, perfectly reflected in the river, and the pelicans floating with the current suddenly take flight - quiet, soft, majestic - the boundaries between heaven and earth simply vanish. 

It is our last full day in Montana before we head to Colorado for work.  But, we'll be back.  Because we have realized that without our Thin Place we have a hard time making it through the rest of the year.  As I write this blog and stare up at the mountain, watch the river flow by beneath it, I take every second of it in.  I smell it, breathe it and tuck it away to pull out on a particularly hard day when I can't find my bearings.  Life is meant to be lived this way all the time.  And, we're working on that plan.  In the meantime, we've deliberately slowed down the pace back home as best we can over the years.  We've said "no" to many a thing, we've committed to more of these Thin Place moments, even when we're outside of our favorite place on earth.

Tomorrow we'll pack up and drive out of the valley again - teary eyed and ready for next summer's visit.  I hate to give away our sacred place, but will do so anyway.  A "shout out" to Jeff, Pete and Carol Reed for sharing Riversbend Lodge with us each year.  You know the treasure you have in the lodge and the B&B, and the rest of us have enjoyed being the recipients of this Thin Place.  Of course, we're working on being your neighbors someday. :)

Wherever your Thin Place is - our prayer is that you would find it and live there as much as you can!

-Rachel for the Quan Clan

Walks with Nate

The first time I held Nate - at Hobby Airport

As Mother's Day approaches I am reflecting on one of the best days of my life... September 16, 2000, when the cutest little chubby-cheeked Korean baby boy with Don King hair was placed in my arms at Hobby Airport by my dear friend, Sue Gold.  For those of you in my life that were there, you know how precious this moment was for Dave and I.  It was an out-of-body experience.  Everyone who was there at the gate faded into the background on that beautiful day. I didn't hear much of what anyone said... what I remember from that day is how Nate smelled, how soft his hair was, how squishy his arms and legs were.  We had a stroller at the gate, but why would I have ever used it?  I was going to hold that baby boy all the way to the car because I had waited and waited and waited for that moment... the moment I officially became a mother.

Motherhood didn't come easy for me.  I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, my journey looked a lot different from others - and since we've been in the realm of adoption, we have found many people who have had a similar journey.  Mothers love their children fiercely, passionately and whether you carried that child in your womb, or in my case, in my heart, this is something that is the same across the board.  I think my journey, however, has given me pause on many a day - because I have noted things in a way I might not have if it had come easy.  With the celebration of both Nate's birthday (in March) and his "Gotcha Day" (in September), we are reminded more often of the gift that he is and the wonder that he has brought to our lives.

On a walk at our favorite park

On this particular Mother's Day I am grateful for my walks with Nate.  On weekdays, it will be just the two of us and Brooks (the Wonder-Dog), sauntering through our neighborhood.  During those walks I try and listen carefully.  Since I am the mother of a boy, I have recognized that I oft don't get a story from him right away.  It comes out in bits and pieces in different conversations and I will string together the entire story from those small reflections he gives me on different occassions.  So I try very hard to listen, to be ready to engage in both silly and deeper conversations.  In spite of knowing this, I think there is always at least 5 minutes in the one hour walk wherein I lapse into lecturing him.  He has now gotten to the age where he can tell me I am doing so and graciously tells me he has heard me.  I didn't say I was perfect!

We have talked about everything under the sun through the years, and even more as he has gotten older.  The other day it was his silly game of "what if" and then the revelation at the end of the walk that he had given one of his "25 point math coupons" to a girl in class who needed it because she had gotten a bad grade and he had four such coupons in his possession from doing so well in class. Her name was Ruth, but he couldn't recall her last name.  I was impressed (and please, if what he did was not legal in the grand scheme of things, let's keep it a secret.  I just loved his heart on this one).    Another memorable walk entailed trying to figure out which Middle School he would go to of the three choices he had. 

The walk where we decided on what Middle School to go to

I always take away a little more about what he's thinking and who he is, how his heart is forming and what his dreams are.  These walks will always be some of my most precious memories as a mother - and I know that one day they won't come as easily when he goes off to college or begins a family of his own.  I can imagine someday in the future when he's all grown up, that we will still find some time to walk together... or I see myself walking with his daughter or son and trying to listen well, to find out more about who they are and what is important to them.

And there's the other side to that coin... the fact that he hears my heart and my dreams and my hopes, that he knows what makes his mom tick and what she feels passionately about, how her faith moves her and her community inspires her.  I hope that during these walks he carries away with him some of those things and perhaps comes to find that a few of those things are worth taking with him and passing on to the next generation.  Because, someday too, he'll have walks with his own children.

We came back from our walk the other day and I asked him - "Do you like walking with me?"  Because he is almost a teenager, his reply was this:  "I don't like walking sometimes because it's exercise.  But I like talking to you, Mom."

Be. Still. My. Heart.  

A Norman Rockwell Christmas Card

We lit the Peace Candle last night during our traditional lighting of the Advent Wreath at our home. It is a tradition that Nate loves, and we love that he loves it. There’s a very real sense of what the season is all about for us as we gather on Sunday nights and remember what we are celebrating. More oft than not, this time of year makes us all nostalgic – remembering special childhood holidays, reminiscing about someone we’ve lost, or the traditions we’ve carried on from our own families. What is interesting to me is that even as we celebrate what we consider the real reason for the season, we have this sense that this time of year we should somehow be very, very happy – that everything associated with this time of year should make us feel giddy and happy and whole.


But we all know the reality. All we have to do is turn the television on to be reminded of the brokenness that comes into our view on a daily basis. We are reminded of war in other countries that has a very real effect on the ones who live in those countries, or the ones who are in the military and separated from their families this month. Joblessness and homelessness are very real right now with all that has happened with our economy. Marriages and families find themselves ripped apart by the lack of finances, stability and hope for the future.

Not all that different from 2,000 years ago. Yeah – there are cars, computers and a world connection we all share that is different. But not the pain. Or the fear. Or the wars. Or the hunger. All of those broken pieces of life still existed then as well. And the Son of Man came in spite of those things, in the midst of those things, so that we might find our stability and hope in a Savior who didn’t come to make us rich or ensure our comfortableness… but came to save us from ourselves, to gives us a peace that comes even when all around is swirling and uncertain.

Easier said than done. I want the Norman Rockwell Christmas. I want the happy, giddy, easy life in the photos on Christmas cards. And when you get our Christmas card, that’s probably what you will see. Don’t get me wrong – we’ve had those great Norman Rockwell moments this past year! Little League championships, vacationing in a beautiful locale, enjoying life with friends and family… but we’ve had the struggles that aren’t in the pictures as well. Self-loathing in the middle of a birthday celebration brought on by the hurtful words of a friend, a parent who has been very ill and we want to figure out how to take care of better… and in years past it has been things like job woes or infertility or incredible loss when a beloved father passed away right before Christmas, or a sense of betrayal by the ones who are supposed to love us the most… our life is not everything on the Christmas card.

So why did we mostly recount the good things in our card? Hmmmm… good question.  This whole reflection might cause us to change it up next year.  But it made me think -  maybe we recount mostly the good because in spite of the hardships, the sadness, the brokenness that surrounds us – we have a sense of the larger reality, the bigger picture, a piece of eternity implanted in our hearts that reminds us – that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father, and that in the middle of the mess, there are moments of pure joy, sweet and tangible touches of God’s grace – reminders of the way that a Savior intervenes in our lives and gives us tastes of eternity… those blessings we recount at the end of a year are what keep us going into the next one. And please, hear me, some struggles are more devastating than others – like the loss of a child, or the end of a marriage – and I don’t pretend to understand that pain at all. But, there are some people in my life who have experienced those exact things in the past few years – and still send a card, recounting the beautiful moments where they tasted eternity, noted a blessing bestowed, held onto a moment when they saw Jesus enter their reality and save them. Those are my favorite cards. The ones where you know the “back-story” and see the notes of grace in their Christmas card that year. They make me cry.

I am not sure what this blog post means to those in my life right now. I started my morning with a heavy heart as one of my best friends and I shared about a very devastating moment they had just encountered. And I was blown away by their response in their time of crisis and need – their sense of PEACE in the middle of it all, the statement that they knew there was more to life than just that moment – and I was touched to my core – reminded that this was evidence of the hope, healing and wholeness that came with the birth of that baby so long ago. Because in spite of the road ahead, I know this friend is holding on to every promise that baby brought with Him, every promise uttered by Him – and through this - I see that like never before, this friend knows the immensity of that Gift given at Christmas. 

John 14:7 – “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”

The Wonders of the Text Message

Texting is an amazing thing... and it is a fairly new way of communicating.  I can remember the first text I ever got - from my boss-at-the-time, Colin James.  We had just finished a number of meetings in Orlando, Florida.  My family and I stayed a couple of days longer so we could enjoy Disney World.  I was standing in a souvenir shop buying a sweatshirt because it was unusually cold in Florida that weekend, and he texted me a message voicing his appreciation for my work. 

And, it's been a great thing when you're in the event production world.  I can remember a show we did in Tampa.  There we were, Clear Comm headsets on, radio ear pieces in and my cell phone in my pocket.  We could call the show on the Clear Comm, while getting weather updates via the radio from the production trailer (it was raining... hard!!) and our artist runner would text me en route from the hotel to backstage, keeping me apprised of her location as we went about our jobs. 

Most recently, I loved all the text messages I got while sitting on the sidelines during the Final Four, doing my job (which was tracking the traffic outside the stadium to ensure our Transportation plan was working).  I got texts from around the country from folks claiming they saw me on television, my family sending me messages throughout the game as they sat behind me, my staff sending me texts with their updates...  my close friends sending their sweet messages of "way to go" and "so proud of you!"

Text messages have also been my mode of prayer over the past couple of years - with my friend Donna Kallmeyer in particular.  On any given day, as I drove to and from Reliant Stadium for various meetings, issues and frustrations, I'd shoot her a text with my prayer for the day.  And she'd text me a prayer in return, or a "shout out" of encouragement.  It was also the way I communicated with my dear mentor and friend, Vicky Jones, as she fought an illness a few years ago.  I knew she was tired, couldn't talk on the phone much, had a lot going on.  So whenever I thought of her (which was often), I'd say a silent prayer for her and text her my thoughts... letting her know that I was praying for her in that moment, thinking of her during that particular day.

Texting has been great in natural disasters!  During Hurricane Ike, in the middle of the night when the storm was at its worst, I got text messages from all over - including my dad who was up and couldn't sleep because he was worried for us.  He texted me his prayers and thoughts for us in the wee hours of the morning.  I would turn my phone off and on to save battery power on my cell phone, and since I couldn't sleep, I turned it on to see that he had been thinking of us.  As my sister prepared for Hurricane Irene in New York City, we enjoyed a funny text conversation yesterday when she was running around town, after a full day of shooting her show, trying to get in the last minute errands necessary for "hunkering down."  This was the conversation:

Me:  Make sure u have supplies @ the ready.  Water, canned goods, dry goods, batteries, flashilights.  I can even Fed Ex you my lantern (** note:  this was the latern she had Fed-exed to me after Hurricane Ike).

Becky:  I have a lantern!
Me:  Oh good!  Call me when u can.  I wanna make sure ur safe.  Love u.  Are they evacuating you?

Becky:  Okay.  I have water.  And cheese sauce!  They are evacuating some areas, but not where I live.

Me:  Cheese sauce?  Do you have somewhere to go if u need to.

Becky:  There's no where to go.  Cheese sauce with chips, like nachos.

Me:  Yuck.

Becky:  All of the states near us will be hit as well.  We would have to go to Ohio.

Me:  You know people in Toledo. :)

Becky:  It's like a 10 hour drive.  We would end up stuck in traffic when the hurricane hit.

Me:  Well, enjoy your nachos.  Do u cook with gas?  Cuz u can always hand light that and eat ramen.

Becky:  We have a gas stove.  I let you know what happens.

Me:  K.  Love u.

Becky:  Love you.

Looking back at this exchange was hilarious.  Only two sisters who know each other well, both love to cook and eat, can have a conversation via text like that.

--------------------------

I love how you can get announcements via text too - this included the other day when an old employee sent me news of another co-worker who we had been rooting for.

Jayne:  Congrats to Dougie Fresh - the new Houston Dynamo Stadium GM!

Me:  :)  Yeah!

Jayne:  Hope all is well - miss you!

Me:  Miss u too!!!

--------------------------


And then there was the conversation yesterday, as I experienced "event-withdrawals" and my friend B was calling show in Minneapolis.

Me:  How did conference go?

B:  Last session.  It has been awesome... thanks you again for the referral Boss Lady.

Me:  Yeah!!  Did Dave Peterson stop by?

B:  Talked with him twice.

Me:  Cool.  Looks great (**referring to picture he sent me via text).  I am having event withdrawals.

B:  I was waiting for that.

It's those little exchanges, even without being voice-to-voice, that you can "hear" the people in your life talking to you - small words, personal catch phrases... sharing a moment right then and there without being in the same room.  I love texting.  Some might find it impersonal.  I think it's become one of the best ways to communicate with someone - especially when one is calling a show (like my friend B) and can't actually talk voice-to-voice, or running around New York City getting ready for a hurricane, or feeling overwhelmed and heading into a meeting and getting a little prayer from a friend...  I say texting is a wonderful thing!

--------------------------

And, today... it was keeping up with my son who went to Dave & Buster's and a movie with a dear teacher and some friends.  After I dropped him off I realized there were a few things I hadn't said to him before dropping him off:

Me:  Nate, call me if u need me.  And don't go to the restroom by yourself - take a buddy with you.

No response from Nate.  But oh well, I knew he had read it... and that my little text message would stick in his sweet brain!

--------------------------

Of course, texting cannot replace the voice-to-voice I still enjoyed with my old co-worker and friend, B, while driving back from Austin the other afternoon, or the Happy Hour that I'll have with Jayne to get caught up on life since we finished our last project together, or the little boy who climbed in the backseat of my car after school and gave me all the details of his day, or the lunch I had with Donna this past week where we shared our hearts over a really good sandwich and salad, or the conversation I had with my sister tonight as the storm rolled in - where she was able to tell me all was well, she was cooking Vodka Penne for dinner for her and Fran, and she sounded like it was no big deal.  The sound of calm in her voice was better than any text message.

-Rachel for the Quan Clan

Parenthood - Both Real & Imagined

We went to dinner last night with our dear friends, Mike & Becky Kankelfritz.  It was fantastic - and we love sharing life with these two.  We have different backgrounds, but similar hearts and so it makes the time fly by when we're enjoying a night out with each other.  We talked a lot last night about our children (and a whole host of other topics that were completely unrelated), but there was one piece of the conversation that I am still thinking about this morning.  Mike and Becky have two beautiful children - Abby Grace and Sam.  Sam is just a little guy right now, apparently getting into everything and talking up a storm whenever they go out to a restaurant.  This led us to a discussion about fatherhood and how you have these moments when you look around and recognize that one of these moments is exactly what you had pictured when being a father was merely a dream.

Nate, 5 years old, "washing" dishes

In sharing, we talked about Nate's Little League championship and how much it meant this year.  More than that, Dave talked about two moments that he has had as a father that were merely dreams in his head when he was just imagining what being a father to a son would be like.  One took place at Disneyland when Nate was 3-years-old.  We spent all day in the Magic Kingdom with my Auntie Pam and ended the night watching the ever-famous fireworks show where Tinkerbell flies over Cinderella's Castle.  I remember coming out from a store where I was picking up a picture from earlier in the day, and looking in the distance at my husband, with Nate sitting in his lap, looking up at the sky watching the flashes of orange and green and red while iconic Disney songs played in the background.  When I sat down next to Dave, he looked over at me and said, "This is exactly what I imagined life would look like when I had a child."

And the other moment came at some point in the third year of Nate's Little League career.  Dave was coaching, Nate was catching... somewhere in the midst of all the chaos that is trying to manage a bunch of 8-year-olds and their baseball "careers", Dave looked at Nate standing next to him on the field and thought "This is exactly what I had imagined my life would be with my son."

I love those moments - those moments when we as parents can stand back and appreciate all the beauty that comes with shepherding these little souls as they grow and learn.  I think for us, especially because we had hoped to be parents for so long, we have recognized those moments in ways that might have passed us by if we had taken this privilege for granted and it had come easily.

There are also those moments where you look around and say to yourself, "This is not at all what I thought parenthood would be!"  Some of these moments for us included a month-long stint in the hospital as Nate struggled to overcome a horrible infection that almost took his life... or some of the physical challenges that came early on for us because of the birth defect he was born with.  I had not imagined moments of total desperation and fear, and the constant worry about whether we were getting him the right care in the right moment.

And, there are other difficult moments I had not imagined when contemplating parenthood - those moments that would be difficult for his little spirit - the situations that are sad and hard that you have to explain are the result of living in a very broken world -  the realities of the hard things that happen around you, or the people that aren't who they should be... and quite frankly, the moments where I, as a parent, have to back up and apologize because I have totally screwed up and I need to ask for his forgiveness. 



Abby-the "Cover Girl -enjoying a swing at Morgan's Wonderland


And, in thinking about Mike and Becky's own journey, I know there have been many things for them through the years that were moments they had not imagined when they were dreaming about being parents.  Every time I am with them, I am amazed at their parenting skills in the face of some big challenges - challenges that the majority of parents will never have to face.  What I am most amazed by is how they are this example of living life openly, authenticly - with all the love right there, as well as the honest truth about the daily struggles that come with a special needs child.  And, I have this sense that there have been some beautiful discoveries because they have this special situation - one of them of late has been the fact that Abby's photo will be on the cover of a calendar for a great place called "Morgan's Wonderland" - this incredible place where any kid can ride any ride and have a fabulous time!  The photo that Becky took of Abby is of Abby swinging in a swing, with these cute pink sunglasses on and the biggest smile in the world!  That's one of Abby's great gifts - her smile and the look of total joy that crosses that face when she is having a good time!  I know that the circumstances that Becky and Mike find themselves in were not a part of the "standard plan" they might have thought would be for them as parents  -- but I KNOW when they see that smile on Abby's face, they are thinking "That is the smile I always imagined I would delight in when I thought about what it would be like to be a parent." 

It is a special place -- that intersection where our expectations for something we have dreamed about and the reality of having it and living it out meet.  Real life can be a beautiful mix of the two.  There are many things I have dreamed about being different in my own little family unit once I had one - and I have purposefully worked towards making those things a part of the every day world in the Quan household.  And there are many things that have been hard and strange and difficult that we have embraced and lived out honestly in spite of the fact that they weren't what we had imagined life would be like as a family.  But, it makes us real, and also more capable of loving each other and walking out the very dark days together... as well as relishing the moments of pure happiness we get to encounter as we live out our lives.

One thing I have imagined that has become a reality is this - that my son would be more like my husband than me.  And, so far, so good!  Instead of my anxious and intense personality, he has inherited Dave's more laid back and "take life as it comes" personality.  Now I recognize that this can be both good and bad, but for the most part, it serves Nate well.  He enjoys life.  He genuinely enjoys it, embraces it and worries very little about tomorrow.  I love that he is like Dave in this way.   I love to watch the two of them be total "boys" - wrestling, playing Nerf basketball in his room, talking for two hours about Nate's baseball team and recounting every play from the last game, watching them battle it out with John Madden's Football on the Wii.  I also love that they spent part of today packing and carrying boxes from my old office to my new one, moving things in and out of storage - and then going on to GameStop to buy some new video games!  I am so grateful for a husband who is an incredible father - who models for Nate what it means to serve, to give (to wash dishes and cook once in awhile!), that a compassionate heart is the most important thing... a father like Dave is a rare thing.

Which leads me to:  HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!  A "shout out" to my hubby who impresses me daily with his commitment to our son and our family.  And a "shout out" to my own dad on this special day.  Also... in this blog a "shout out" to Mike and Becky K on Father's Day - you two are wonderful parents!  To all the dads out there that have touched our lives in one way or another - uncles, brothers and close friends - enjoy the day!

-Rachel for the Quan Clan

40 is just a number (or at least that's what I keep telling myself)

A special birthday cake from my hubby... with ALL the candles!

40 is just a number.  At least that's what I have told myself.  40 is really just 10 years times 4.  And life in 10 year increments is easier to digest.  First ten years, you're still just a kid.  Second ten years, you're a young adult and still feel like your whole life is in front of you.  Third ten years, you aren't "too young", not "too old", just the right amount of mature, but not too mature.  And... here... the next ten... well they went by fast, ding dang it!  Especially when I compare it to the life of a little boy who was just a baby - yesterday?  Well, it seems like it.

I have to say - I like who I am at 40.  I like that I care a lot less about what other people think and feel more comfortable in my own skin as I continue to navigate my way through life.  But, I also have this nagging sense that time is passing by more quickly - that life changes in the blink of an eye, that sometimes I am missing out on something because it's moving so fast.  That's why those around me hear me say (about a hundred times) that I try very hard to focus on "being present" in a moment.  Like right now.  I am sitting in my favorite chair at home looking at my son sitting on the couch with the remote control in his hands while he watches a baseball game.  Present in this moment is feeling the wind from our ceiling fan and watching my chubby cheeked boy as he comments on the Astros pitching game.  This is what I am thinking:  That's my boy... and he's sitting here, comfortably, at home - content with the family that surrounds him, comfortable in the space that is our house, enjoying a conversation about baseball with his dad...

And then there are the things I'm not so comfortable with at 40.  That would be things like not looking like I did when I was 20.  Although, I have to say, I can probably bench press more now than I did at 20.  I have had to come to terms with the fact that my high school varsity basketball body days are over... but I try harder to take care of what I do have (shout out to my dear friend and trainer, Kelly Haley).  I do wish, however, that I had paid more attention to the physical part of my life a lot sooner, and that I had paid more attention to eating right in my 20s so that this battle would be easier in my 40s. 

Other things I am not so comfortable with at 40: 

With the Final Four Staff... "Mama" did her best!

• Being the "mama" in the office.  When did this happen? I ask myself.  I used to always be the youngest one in the office, and suddenly I am the one managing the team, dispensing the advice and generally taking care of the bumps, bruises and hurts of those who work for me.  It's a weird thing to be the "mama" in the office.  This happened pretty quickly at the Final Four office - and to this day, when I call one of those "young 'uns" and they see that it's me calling, they answer:  "Hi Mama!" 
• Hearing people say that I have now officially reached "middle age."  What???  My great-grandma lived to be 101 and my Grandpa Chin lived to be 90.  Excuse me, but I am not middle-aged yet if I take after my Chin side at all.  Middle age will be in my 50s...  maybe.  Nate reminds me that I could still possibly be in the Guiness Book of World Records if I live to be 130 or something - in which case, I am not even close to middle age!
• Realizing that if I am getting older, so are the people around me.  My hubby is now in his 50s.  My son is now getting ready to start Middle School.  Time is flying by and gosh darn it, I haven't been able to catch up!  I just want to freeze some moments and really, really live in them.

Things I like about being 40:

• To begin with, there are the years of relationships that have only grown in their depth and their value.  The fact that I am old enough to have really lived life with people and they with me has been one of life's greatest gifts.  I can name so many of those long, deep, priceless friendships that span many years now. 
• I am thinking of Eileen Quon who was so instrumental in my early days with Dave - she planned my wedding and it was hers and Marv's house that we found ourselves at many a Friday night in those early days of marriage. 
• I am thinking of Michelle Eutsler whom I have now known for 15 years - the thousands of miles we've logged together in a car on road trips, the numerous events we've pulled off over the years - staff retreats, weddings, you name it - the time she took off work when I had a 104 temp and couldn't get out of bed and Dave was at the office trying to meet a client deadline.  Who else would take 2 days off to nurse me back to health and watch my baby?? 
• I am thinking of Mary Kent Yochum whom I have now known 15 years as well... and one gigantic festival later, I still call her my "Yoda Friend" for the way she can speak calm and peace into any situation. 
• I am thinking of Laura Smith and the many walks through our neighborhood together, cups of coffee, trips to work together on events - she fills my life with such laughter! 
• I am thinking of sweet Roxie Chess and the hours of "chick-flick" movies we've seen together.  Who else in my life can I spend hours and hours talking to about theology AND fashion?  Oh boy - it's been so hard to not live in the same city as you and be able to just meet you for one of our Saturday "Girl Nights."



Esther and Nate

• Or sweet Esther Choi who lived in the Quan house for a number of years and became our "adopted" daughter... all these years later to see her as a mother, growing and juggling - it's amazing to see how far we've come!
• I am thinking of some of the precious "brothers" I have shared great friendships with through the years - Colin James (best boss in the whole world) and the blood, sweat and tears we poured out in the world of Festivals -- Brent Walla and the crazy hours spent pulling together an event, as well as the great conversations about life, God and family while we produced a show -- Al Lee and the way that he has always just "shown up" for our little family through the years... hanging my pictures every time we moved houses (and that has been a lot!), bringing me flowers just because, hanging out with Dave and I on any given holiday as we clean up -- I am thinking of Johnny Myers and the hours we've spent strategizing and generally being silly through the years.



Rachel and Johnny Myers

• It has been 40 years of building, deepening and developing these sweet, long-standing friendships that have stood the test of time.  I am so blessed.  And being 40 means that I have had the time to nurture, grow and enjoy these types of friendships - these are relationships that have been cultivated over time - and I have had the time to do that.  So, for my twenty-something friends out there - look around when you hit 40.  The friends you have left in your life at 40 will tell you where you invested your time wisely through the years.

Other things I like about being 40:

• Another plus?  ...having enough years under my belt to claim a bit of wisdom.  After many years of working, juggling, overcoming, slowing down, managing people and projects... I can claim a bit of experience and wisdom in life.  This has come in handy in the work realm.  I might be the "Mama" of the office, but that's a title that means I've been around the block enough to offer some insight and expertise once in awhile. 
• And then there's the confirmation in knowing that the crucial decisions I've made through the years - the places where I stopped long enough to take something seriously - have paid off.  40 years later, you can look back with some perspective and recognize that some of those big risks you took - well, they meant something!  Two that come to mind:




Dave and Rach

• I married the right man.  I could have married a different man - someone who I had dated for a long time, a nice guy, a good guy - it would have been convenient and easier than stepping into the relationship that ultimately led to marriage.  But, I took a different path and walked away from what seemed natural at the time... and married the right guy for me.  If I had married the other guy - I would have stayed where I had always been and done the things I had always done.  Instead I opted for the adventure and I am so glad that I did.
• I didn't stay in the same city that I grew up in.  I took a risk and a chance and moved halfway across the country to this big ol' state called Texas... to a hot and humid town called Houston... and made my own life and way here.  I love, love, love this town.  I love the people and the entrepreunerial spirit of this city - the way you can be anyone and have come from anywhere and make your way here.  I love the multi-culturalism (believe it or not, much more so than Southern Cal), I love the "can do" attitude.  I love that you can find many of us taking a run in 95 degree heat and 100% humidity because we are just plain tough, hard-working folks.  This city has been good to me - I have gotten to define my path and my identity in a special and unique way here.  It is home.  It always will be.

So... I'll just keep pushin' forward through the next decade.  I hope I stop long enough to be present in all the right moments.  I hope I learn more about myself, my family and my community and that I revel in those discoveries as they come my way.  I hope I can love deeper and better and that in doing so I make a difference in the world.  I hope I can write another blog at my 50th year and be just as content as I am in this moment.

-Rachel for the Quan Clan

And... finally... for those who didn't get to see it... click on the link for the sweet slideshow that my hubby and my niece put together - a great collection of photos of life lived with so many people I love so dearly!  Click here:  http://s158.photobucket.com/albums/t86/seraph7clothing/?action=view&current=Rachel1.mp4

A League of Their Own!

Nate with his Iron Pigs' Championship Trophy

Nate started playing baseball when he was 5-years-old.  He was just a little guy playing tee ball with our local YMCA.  The next year, we signed him up for "real" Little League and he began his baseball "career" with West U Little League.  Our first year was amazing.  We had an incredible coach who was that perfect combination of kind and gentle, yet firm enough to keep the dugout rebellions down.  To top it off he was also a great teacher of the game (he still is!)   Nate had a blast.  It's where he began playing catcher and he hasn't looked back since. 

The next year we had a terrible coach (and I won't name him here).  Needless to say that a grown man yelling and screaming at his own son like a lunatic and being a general jerk with a group of 7-year-olds, almost did the Quan Family in.  Nate was ready to give up the sport.  This guy was so bad that parents from other teams complained on behalf of our team to the Green Hats (the governing dudes, if you will).  It was so bad that this Mama Bear (currently writing this post) thought about taking a baseball bat to the man's head one day... but I figured that would be the opposite of what I wanted to be teaching Nate.  Dave was the more level-headed parent who had the talk with this guy, and it got a little better after that.  It was a truly disappointing experience - on many levels. 

The Iron Pigs and their coaches celebrate!

So, when Dave was asked to co-coach the next year with our friend, Mark, he said "yes."  This was more out of our desire to ensure that Nate didn't end up with a lunatic for a coach.  Now, Dave admittedly might have a few bad attributes... but being a lunatic, screaming and yelling... that for sure is NOT him.  That is me, at times, but it for sure is not him. :)  We also figured this was our only way of controlling who we had on our team - children and parents alike who were good sports with good hearts. 

Each year Nate grew in his skills, confidence and understanding of both the game and the teammates that made up each of our teams.  Some teammates are gems and Dave works hard to draft them again and again - our buddies Jacob and Jack, for instance.  We love them.  We love their families.  We love playing baseball with all of them.

And, each year there were some challenges.  But, Dave kept drafting on character first, skill set second.  And, each year we would end up with great kids we knew fit the bill... and a few times, you end up drafting someone you don't know... and you hope, hope, hope that they are going to be okay.  Since this is a public blog, I can't say much.  I'll just say, that we had a near perfect team one year but for one player - who also happened to be the most skilled player we had... however, the little man had a huge attitude problem.  And, as went him... well, so went the team.  And, since his parents attributed his bad attitude to the fact that he wasn't used to playing on a losing team... well you can imagine how disappointing that was for all of us - both for the boys and the other parents.



Coach and son relish their victory!

 Which brings us to THIS SEASON.  I won't get in to how it is that AAA (Triple A) is the most enjoyable year for many families.  There are a lot of reasons for that, and WULL would do good to ask us all why.  But, Dave marched into the drafting meeting with his little Excel spreadsheet and list and went after it.  Again - the criteria was good character first, skill level second.  He came home with our team list and we both smiled - what a great group of boys! The IRON PIGS were born!

Dave's Introduction at our first parents' meeting went something like this:

Dave:  "Hello, my name is David Quan and I will be your sons' baseball coach this year.  Now, if anyone in this room has been putting off saving for retirement or investing in your 401K because you are sure your kid is so good that his major league baseball career will pay for those things... well... you are on the wrong team.  Sorry."

Nate and some of his great teammates!

As he always does with both the parents and the boys, he emphasizes a few things:

-We're here to have fun
-We're here to learn and develop our skills better
-We're here to learn what it means to be a team
-We're here to encourage each other and lift each other up

So, the Iron Pigs set off on their adventure.  And they did all of these things... it was amazing to see these guys bond.  I've never seen anything like it.  They picked each other up when they were down, they encouraged each other on and off the field, they worked hard to develop their skills.. and they still lost.  Here we were - best kids and best parents ever... and it was a rough place we found ourselves in during playoffs.  We were 3rd out of 4 in our division... so I figured we'd be packing it in early this season.

And they lost their first playoff game... and had to go to the bottom in the Loser's Bracket. 

Then something happened.  Something clicked.  They didn't lose a game after that.  They won 6 games straight, all the way to the championship and were amazing!  Amazing defense... amazing batting... amazing hearts - always finding words of praise for each other.  And playing one game with 8 players and still winning!  We had had 9 when our star shortstop was injured.  2 others were out of town - one at a wedding and one at a sibling's college graduation.  Both emailed and texted the whole game to keep up-to-date!   And then we found ourselves up against the best team in the playoffs - hadn't lost a game.  And... we beat them twice to win it all!  Our little Iron Pigs fought their way out of the Loser's Bracket all the way to the championship game!



Nate and Baba... the whole team's grandmother! :)

 And the parents and even grandparents - what a blast we had!  We were loud and crazy and SO proud of our boys!  We got teary-eyed when we watched them take a knee outside the dugout when one of their teammates was injured on the field.  We got ecstatic when the bottom of our batting order was hitting just as amazing as the top of our order!  We pulled together because we wanted the same thing for our sons - an understanding that teamwork and the right heart, incredible sportsmanship - that's what was most important.

And this time... the kids with the greatest character and sportsmanship WON!  The celebration was huge, and one mom commented -- "Sometimes the nice guys do finish first!"  Amen to that!  However, we all agreed on this one fact:  Even if we had lost in the championship game... it was still the BEST SEASON EVER.  It was the best season ever even before the playoffs... merely to see our children pulling together and being a real team.

And, I can hear all the cynics (or in some cases those parents who nuttily push their children to win and blame everyone else when things don't go well)... "these kids still need ambition and drive in the real world."  I am sorry - but I disagree with that.  My child could grow up to be as rich as Bill Gates.  But, if he made it to the top by being a blamer, putting others down to advance himself, or by only caring about himself and his goals - well, then... I have totally failed as a parent.  It might sound "Pollyanna"ish - and for the cynics, you can have your success the way you think it ought to be gained.  But in this house, it is the depth of relationships that are the real success.  And here is where the Iron Pigs ultimately won - championship or not.

What an incredible adventure for our family.  It will be one of those great seasons that is life-forming for Nate.  He understood what this win meant - and that if he could replicate this in real life... this surrounding himself with others who have the right hearts, who support each other and lift each other up even when the going gets rough... well, he can go very, very far.

And, a reminder to Dave and I - and all of the parents on the team - that the values we instill in our sons - whether they win or lose - still make them winners at the end of the day.  A reminder that what we've been teaching them and hoping for them is actually coming to fruition in their lives.  I know it is all of our prayers that our boys will take this lesson with them into their futures.  So the Quans send a "shout out" to the Iron Pigs - Matthew, Nolan, Jacob, Cooper, Santi, Evan, Andy, Charlie, Scottie, Joseph and of course, Nate Quan - WAY TO GO!  We are so proud of you!

-Rachel for the Quan Clan